BDSM FAQ

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What does BDSM Stand for?

The term BDSM dates back to 1969; however, the exact origin of the term BDSM is unclear. It is often interpreted as a compound initialism from B&D (bondage and discipline), D&S (dominance and submission), and S&M (sadism and Masochism). Regardless of its origin, BDSM is used as a catch-all phrase to include a wide range of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures.

BDSM is a variety of erotic practices involving dominance and submission, role-playing, restraint, and other interpersonal dynamics. Given the wide range of practices, some of which may be engaged in by people who do not consider themselves as practicing BDSM, inclusion in the BDSM community and/or subculture is usually dependent on self-identification and shared experience. Interest in BDSM can range from one-time experimentation to a lifestyle, and is sometimes referred to as a sexual identity/orientation.

Is BDSM abuse? How could someone possibly like getting hit with things and not be insane?

I respect my lover too much to ever hurt them, how can someone possibly love someone they are hurting on purpose?

Can I live out my fantasies like I've read about in fiction novels and seen in pornographic films?

I have dark fantasies of some kind, sometimes they even scare me, does that make me a bad person?

Dominants just seem like jerks that boss people around, who would really want spend all day working for someone like that?

Do dominants really love and care for their submissives?

How will I know if I've gone too far? What if I do something terrible? What if I can't stop? What if normal sex is boring forever after I try this stuff?

This BDSM stuff sounds interesting, what is good starting advice?

I'm all about getting kinky in the bedroom, but some of this stuff people do is just plain disgusting and/or crazy. How can people possibly like that extreme stuff? It all just seems so sick to me.

What does "X" word mean?

How can I make my boyfriend/girlfriend into my dom/sub?

Is it really domination if it's only online?

I'm really shy and I'm scared to go to a dungeon or play party, what should I do?

Why can't I find a partner?

How do I find a munch?

What books should I read to get started?

What does it take to be a real Dominant or submissive, Master or slave, etc.?

What is the difference between a top, dom and a Master?

What is the difference between a bottom, sub and a slave?

How do I get a Mentor?

How do I train a slave/How can I train to be a slave?

What's a good list of protocols?

How can I be a good slave?

How do I figure out which role I'm best suited for?

If I go to a dungeon or play party, do I have to play with other people? How am I supposed to act?

Do I have to have sex with someone in order to play with them?

Is it really cheating if...?

What should I do to prepare to meet my new Master or Mistress for the first time?

Are sadists evil?

I have something I'm having trouble telling my dom, what should I do?

Sometimes after I engage in my kink I feel really guilty or shameful, what should I do?

Why do I feel terrible sometimes after I play when the scene itself was so awesome?

Do I have to bottom first before being a Master?

What if my dom tells me to do something illegal?

What is the difference between letting a Dominant know what your hard limits are and Topping from the bottom?

How do collars work?

How do I negotiate a scene?

Is there such a thing as a no limits slave?

Is it OK for a dom to say they are sorry?

Do I have to give control of my finances to my dom/do I have to take control of my sub's finances?

Are brats really submissives?

How come no one respects that I'm a Master?

Is submission a gift?