Difference between revisions of "Munch"

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(General Munch Etiquette)
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*'''Treat people as people.'''  Perhaps many enjoy objectification and to be thought of as a sex object, but they will require that you build trust and friendship before you can ever approach those sorts of relationship dynamics with them.  At a munch, be friendly and respectful to others.
 
*'''Treat people as people.'''  Perhaps many enjoy objectification and to be thought of as a sex object, but they will require that you build trust and friendship before you can ever approach those sorts of relationship dynamics with them.  At a munch, be friendly and respectful to others.
 
*'''Be courteous and respectful to your waitstaff, and be sure to tip well.'''  If you don't, you may not be invited to host another event at that establishment.
 
*'''Be courteous and respectful to your waitstaff, and be sure to tip well.'''  If you don't, you may not be invited to host another event at that establishment.
*'''Be very wary of [[consent]] violations.'''  Do not touch another person without asking.  [[Best practices]] indicate to ask before touching someone and ask if a worn [[necklace]] is a collar or not and what it's significance is.  If someone violates your consent, be sure to tell them.  If someone repeatedly violates your consent after you have clearly asked them to stop, consider sharing this privately with the munch coordinator.
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*'''Be very wary of [[consent]] violations.'''  Do not touch another person without asking.  [[Best practices]] indicate to ask before touching someone and ask if a worn necklace is a [[collar]] or not and what it's significance is.  If someone violates your consent, be sure to tell them.  If someone repeatedly violates your consent after you have clearly asked them to stop, consider sharing this privately with the munch coordinator.
 
*'''Exchanging personal information.'''  Be sure not to divulge highly personal details about yourself right away, such as your real name, address, phone number, and other information.  Consider using an online handle or profile name to exchange information to start communicating with others to protect yourself.
 
*'''Exchanging personal information.'''  Be sure not to divulge highly personal details about yourself right away, such as your real name, address, phone number, and other information.  Consider using an online handle or profile name to exchange information to start communicating with others to protect yourself.
 
*'''[[Red Flag| Red Flags]] and Politics.'''  Not everyone is going to be giving you the best advice or have an established reputation.  If you aren't sure about someone, give it some time and they will begin to show more of themselves to you.  Not every report about someone having a bad or good reputation is accurate.  Some people may have alternate agendas you may not perceive.  Let time help you figure these things out.
 
*'''[[Red Flag| Red Flags]] and Politics.'''  Not everyone is going to be giving you the best advice or have an established reputation.  If you aren't sure about someone, give it some time and they will begin to show more of themselves to you.  Not every report about someone having a bad or good reputation is accurate.  Some people may have alternate agendas you may not perceive.  Let time help you figure these things out.

Revision as of 19:01, 25 March 2014

A BDSM munch is an informal gathering of people with an interest in BDSM so that they can eat and socialize.

Munches tend to be social events, not educational events. Munches tend to be informal affairs with relatively little structure or protocol. Most munches are publicized primarily online, and the Internet figures prominently in their history and development.

Who can attend?

Anyone can attend a munch that is not blacklisted from a specific location. This also means that there is no screening process to attend a munch.

No Play at a munch

Generally speaking, most munches do not include play because the idea of a munch is to have a space where people can freely socialize and so that new people can specifically attend without firstly needing to be vetted and secondly, having a fear that some sort of play is to occur or that they must participate in anything other than casual conversation with others. As such, leave your toys and other fetish gear at home. This is a social event, not a place to conduct a scene.

Attire

Consider your typical, casual attire to be appropriate. Discreet collars and some black is generally accepted, but a high degree of fetish wear (leather harnesses, ball gags, etc.) at a non-fetish establishment can cause social problems and even a loss of the ability to host a munch at that particular establishment.

General Munch Etiquette

Protocols will vary from munch to munch, but this is a great starter template for most any munch you are likely to attend:

  • Respect the confidentiality of the event. Do not ever compromise someone's anonymity regarding kink (aka "Out someone") or take pictures of people at a munch.
  • Jargon can be a barrier to first time attendees of a munch. Understand the terms listed on the BDSM 101 page at a minimum, consider knowing the terms on the BDSM 201 page for bonus points.
  • Because of confidentiality of the event, to not request probing information about someone's personal details such as where they work, where they live, what their real name is, etc. as that can give a bad impression. It is fine if they volunteer these things, but it's generally not a good idea to probe for this information.
  • Treat people as people. Perhaps many enjoy objectification and to be thought of as a sex object, but they will require that you build trust and friendship before you can ever approach those sorts of relationship dynamics with them. At a munch, be friendly and respectful to others.
  • Be courteous and respectful to your waitstaff, and be sure to tip well. If you don't, you may not be invited to host another event at that establishment.
  • Be very wary of consent violations. Do not touch another person without asking. Best practices indicate to ask before touching someone and ask if a worn necklace is a collar or not and what it's significance is. If someone violates your consent, be sure to tell them. If someone repeatedly violates your consent after you have clearly asked them to stop, consider sharing this privately with the munch coordinator.
  • Exchanging personal information. Be sure not to divulge highly personal details about yourself right away, such as your real name, address, phone number, and other information. Consider using an online handle or profile name to exchange information to start communicating with others to protect yourself.
  • Red Flags and Politics. Not everyone is going to be giving you the best advice or have an established reputation. If you aren't sure about someone, give it some time and they will begin to show more of themselves to you. Not every report about someone having a bad or good reputation is accurate. Some people may have alternate agendas you may not perceive. Let time help you figure these things out.
  • Swarming and Chopped Liver. New members of a munch may experience swarming where they receive lots of attention from many people all at once which can be overwhelming. They may also be entirely ignored. Be sure that if you are overwhelmed with attention you state so and set boundaries, and if no one seems to greet you, try the CIQ method to open up a dialog with others.
  • Secret Codes. Some munches may have codes aside from typical collars, such as hanki and key codes. Ask your munch coordinator if they use various codes to indicate certain things at the munch.
  • Be on time whenever possible. Munches usually have a set start and end time. Being early or late by more than fifteen minutes not only sends a bad message about your timing to others, but also can be inconvenient for the hosting establishment.

How to host your own munch