Negotiation

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Negotiation is the process by which people plan a scene. It involves deciding what will happen and obtaining everyone's consent for those things to happen. For consent to be informed, there must be an exchange of information. In negotiation, the safe word(s) are established and set in stone.

Exchange of Information

During negotiation of a scene, the Top and bottom should be exchanging pertinent information. What is the mood of the scene going to be? What will the main action of the scene be? What is the setting of the scene, including space.

The Top should [citation needed] provide information on:

  • the details of what tools they have or are comfortable working with
  • the risks of using each tool, along with an idea of the sensation each tool provides
  • anything they're comfortable or not comfortable doing
  • anything (if anything) they are either well-known for or well-versed in
  • how they care for their tool

The bottom should [citation needed] provide information on:

  • what they consent to do/be subjected to
  • tools they are consent or do not consent to have used on them
  • places they are willing or not willing to be touched
  • what their safe word is
  • whether or not they are all right with having their consent violated during the scene
  • if there is a chance of becoming nonverbal/uncommunicative during a scene
  • their desires should they become nonverbal/uncommunicative


It should also be exchanged whether or not each participating member has eaten and drank sufficiently before the scene including the details of what was consumed, especially that no negatively mind-altering substances such as drugs or alcohol were used. They should disclose if have any allergies or medical conditions, including psychological trauma that could be triggered during a scene. When the tools and/or furniture to be used were last cleaned should be common knowledge, but you better disclose it just in case!