Electronic Messaging

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Electronic messaging may refer to sending a message through the following means:

  • Instant message (on a computer network)
  • Personal message (on a computer network)
  • Text message (on a cellular phone network)
  • SMTP (on a computer network)
  • Email (on a computer Network)
  • Voicemail (using the PSTN)
  • Fax (using the PSTN)
  • Pager (using the PSTN)
  • Bulletin board system (on a computer network)
  • Internet forum (on a computer network)
  • Internet Newsgroups on the Usenet (on a computer network)

Messaging Etiquette

Basic messaging etiquette to other members of the kink community follows most all of the same conventions of traditional interactions with others in public space.

Bear in mind some of the following points:

  • Sending out many generic, copy and pasted messages is considered unwelcome SPAM/junk mail. If you wish to message someone, take the time to send a thoughtful message that follows the structure of CIQ to open conversations. If someone has an online profile or website, be sure to review it before sending a message so as to be aware of what they want you to know before contacting them.
  • Sending a message does not warrant a timely response or any response at all, consider that no response is a response. Attractive people are often bombarded with messages constantly, many of which are rude and/or poorly constructed. They must pick and choose who they respond to in the interest of not spending all day messaging, and most of those messages they choose will be to good friends, family, and people that they find attractive and interesting. Further, not everyone will even receive a message in a timely fashion if they are off doing other things.
  • Use intelligible language. Lots of colloquial speech, idiom, poor grammar, emoticons, memes and similar is likely to reflect poorly on your ability to communicate well, and being that all relationships are largely based on good communication, it is important that you show your ability to communicate early on. Avoid messages and status updates that are vague and passive-aggressive. If you don't have something nice to say, keep it to yourself.
  • Be respectful when introducing yourself. Attempting to dominate someone you have not negotiated with is typically a consent violation, even if it is just in a message. You may be a dominant, but you are not this person's dominant unless they have negotiated that arrangement with you. Avoid sending messages that focus on masturbatory fantasies or pictures of your genitals unless these are specifically requested.

Online Profile Creation Tips

  • Be positive and enthusiastic. State what things you do want and do like, avoid ever stating anything in the negative such as what you don't want and don't like.
  • Who you are is more important than what you are looking for. Talk about you explicitly. If you are looking for something, be very specific about it.
  • Highlight your best features but don't over or under exaggerate. Be authentic, don't misrepresent yourself in any way. Have a current picture (taken within at least the last 6 months) as your main profile picture so as to properly represent yourself. Do not use your genitals as your main profile picture as this forces others to see your genitals and they may not consent to that.
  • If you do not own all explicit rights to a piece of content (photo, video, writing, etc.), don't post it without first asking permission from the content owner and gaining that permission and second, giving appropriate credit to the content owner.